AKA, the thread where I get ultra-salty over a perfectly fine game that I’m just not good at.
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I’ve always hated Chain of Memories. It’s a game who’s gameplay I’ve just never been able to grasp. I recently started another playthrough via 1.5+2.5 Remix. I was dreading it, so I chose to play in Beginner mode with the hopes of alleviating my frustrations. For the most part the experience was tolerable.
That is until I got to the first Vexen battle. And after loss after frustrating loss on both Vexens, the final Larxene, and currently being stuck on the final Axel, I can confirm that I am still very much of the opinion that this game is awful and it and its craptacular gameplay can go fuck itself.
Here are just a few of my gripes for this game:
- The card battle system is frustrating as fuuuuck. Seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to combine precise number thinking with real time battles? Especially in the organisation battles. How the hell do you expect me to analyse what cards I’m using, as well as the cards of the enemy, in an environment where the enemy Will. Not. Let. Me. Breath? How can I ration my cards properly when I constantly have to use slates to break their high ass combinations. What’s that, “use zero cards” you say? I can’t keep my eyes on them! If I have any zeros in my deck, I’ve either unintentionally used them up in my combos, or I have to actual search my deck for them, leaving me open to constant attacks. And even if I do use a zero, it often gets trumped immediately after.
- Slates are pretty damn annoying too. With everything I mentioned above, how do you expect me to not only memorise like a million different combinations, but to get them in the exact order. Too many times have I intentionally tried to pull off a slate only to fail miserably because I’m playing… all the right cards… but not necessarily… in the right order. Oh, and if you accidentally select a wrong card for your slate? Start the whole process all over again!
- The dodge roll in this game is a fucking joke. It never works. I can’t get away from Vexen’s giant icicles, I can’t dodge Larxenes thunderbolts. I swear the roll doesn’t have any invincibility aspects to it at all.
- Donald sucking is often made fun of in this series, but my god does he take that suckage to a new level in this game. Gee Donald, thanks for healing my full HP bar twice in a row! Thanks for using fucking ICE MAGIC on VEXEN.
- If you get caught in a combo, which, may I remind you, is very easy to do with the awful dodge roll, make yourself at home because you’re not getting out of it! What’s that, you have a card that could easily break that combo right there ready to be selected? Too be bad you can’t use it when you’re stunned. COULD THIS BE ANY MORE FAIR????
- Oh! And speaking of fair: why in the actual hell do enemies and bosses get to use guards?! Using a higher card against Vexen? LOL BLOCKED. Just because he can.
- And yeah, Vexen, just. Fuck that guy.
So yes. I dunno if I’m actually going to attempt to keep going on this game and not just move on to the next game in the collection. Either way, I sure cannot wait to never revisit this bastard game again.
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Epilogue:
Okaaaaay… for real though, I’m sure Re:CoM is actually a perfectly fine game that you can play just fine, you obviously have a better working number brain than I do, and that’s great. But I’ve personally just never been able to have a good time with this game for all the reasons I just got done over-the-top ranting about.
Either way, I hope you at least found this amusing, or maybe even found some of it relatable. I dunno.
Ciao.
…
I’ve always hated Chain of Memories. It’s a game who’s gameplay I’ve just never been able to grasp. I recently started another playthrough via 1.5+2.5 Remix. I was dreading it, so I chose to play in Beginner mode with the hopes of alleviating my frustrations. For the most part the experience was tolerable.
That is until I got to the first Vexen battle. And after loss after frustrating loss on both Vexens, the final Larxene, and currently being stuck on the final Axel, I can confirm that I am still very much of the opinion that this game is awful and it and its craptacular gameplay can go fuck itself.
Here are just a few of my gripes for this game:
- The card battle system is frustrating as fuuuuck. Seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to combine precise number thinking with real time battles? Especially in the organisation battles. How the hell do you expect me to analyse what cards I’m using, as well as the cards of the enemy, in an environment where the enemy Will. Not. Let. Me. Breath? How can I ration my cards properly when I constantly have to use slates to break their high ass combinations. What’s that, “use zero cards” you say? I can’t keep my eyes on them! If I have any zeros in my deck, I’ve either unintentionally used them up in my combos, or I have to actual search my deck for them, leaving me open to constant attacks. And even if I do use a zero, it often gets trumped immediately after.
- Slates are pretty damn annoying too. With everything I mentioned above, how do you expect me to not only memorise like a million different combinations, but to get them in the exact order. Too many times have I intentionally tried to pull off a slate only to fail miserably because I’m playing… all the right cards… but not necessarily… in the right order. Oh, and if you accidentally select a wrong card for your slate? Start the whole process all over again!
- The dodge roll in this game is a fucking joke. It never works. I can’t get away from Vexen’s giant icicles, I can’t dodge Larxenes thunderbolts. I swear the roll doesn’t have any invincibility aspects to it at all.
- Donald sucking is often made fun of in this series, but my god does he take that suckage to a new level in this game. Gee Donald, thanks for healing my full HP bar twice in a row! Thanks for using fucking ICE MAGIC on VEXEN.
- If you get caught in a combo, which, may I remind you, is very easy to do with the awful dodge roll, make yourself at home because you’re not getting out of it! What’s that, you have a card that could easily break that combo right there ready to be selected? Too be bad you can’t use it when you’re stunned. COULD THIS BE ANY MORE FAIR????
- Oh! And speaking of fair: why in the actual hell do enemies and bosses get to use guards?! Using a higher card against Vexen? LOL BLOCKED. Just because he can.
- And yeah, Vexen, just. Fuck that guy.
So yes. I dunno if I’m actually going to attempt to keep going on this game and not just move on to the next game in the collection. Either way, I sure cannot wait to never revisit this bastard game again.
…
Epilogue:
Okaaaaay… for real though, I’m sure Re:CoM is actually a perfectly fine game that you can play just fine, you obviously have a better working number brain than I do, and that’s great. But I’ve personally just never been able to have a good time with this game for all the reasons I just got done over-the-top ranting about.
Either way, I hope you at least found this amusing, or maybe even found some of it relatable. I dunno.
Ciao.